then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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