But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
