My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
