You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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