i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
