I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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