I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
