so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
