Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
