My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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