we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Text me some of your sweat
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