Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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