She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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