I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
