The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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