I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
