he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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