The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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