I need help removing her.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
