I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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