We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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