The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize