Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
