I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
