I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
