Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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