i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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