I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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