i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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