I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
