I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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