Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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