Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's get the cat blown out
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
