I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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