ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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