I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
