just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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