I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
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Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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