Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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