it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This house was built for laser tag.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
