yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
