Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
