You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
