he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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