I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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