That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
