so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My life is pants optional.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
