There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sext me about skeletons
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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