she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I touched a dick in church today
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
