careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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