Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What should our trivia night team be named?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.