Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet