hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
do herpes really smell.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My penis needs a shock collar
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night