and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain