I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.