cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that