I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.