Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize