dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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