forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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