I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
