so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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