We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
