My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize