so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
