I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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