Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
