Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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