party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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