Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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