My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
