Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
